


Silly Marauder Drabble

by Icarus



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-08-11
Updated: 2006-08-11
Packaged: 2018-10-25 18:13:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10769670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icarus/pseuds/Icarus
Summary: I refuse to admit I wrote this: The marauders make a, er, um, potion.





	Silly Marauder Drabble

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

  
Author's notes: Written for HP Shortfics, though I had Lizard's recent Christmas marauder art in mind at the time.  


* * *

There was a soft gasp. Then a sigh, followed by damp rhythmic stroking. Fabric shifted restlessly. Someone coughed. 

"Hurry it up, we haven't got all night..." a voice muttered. 

"Stop complaining. I didn't see _you_ volunteer." Nonetheless, the damp stroking sound sped up a moment, then paused with a huff of breath. 

"My dick is sore..." 

Remus said patiently, "You have to come four times or else I'm afraid it won't work." There was a metallic tap on the edge of a cauldron as he finished stirring. 

"Well, I can see why it can only be done on the longest night of the year…." 

"Oh, come on. A young buck like you can't manage it?" Sirius said. 

"Shut up!" 

There was the gurgle of oil, then the wet slick sound as it was liberally applied. 

"One more for the team, James." Sirius snickered. 

James' breaths grew deeper and the jar made a soft click as it was set on the stonework. They heard him swallow and grunt and the soft slow stroking resumed, wetter and more obscene. He started panting, rubbing hard and fast, gasping. "Gnnngh!" 

"Catch it! Catch it!" Peter said in a high voice, panicked. Footsteps scuffled and there was a clatter of a metal pan against stone. Then a collective sigh of relief. 

"Got it." 

James said with a groan, "I am never, ever, doing this again... no matter what the rewards…." The scraping stirring sound had resumed. 

"Is it working, Remus?" Sirius asked. 

"Shh! I'll lose my count--" Remus answered, "--twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty...nine. Yeah, I think so. It's the right consistency anyway." They heard him settle back against the stone wall of the tower room. "Um. James?" Remus chuckled. "You can pull up your pants now." 

"What?" James said. "How can you tell I didn't?" 

There was a moment of stunned silence, until everyone realized the answer at once. 

"Shit! You could see me the _whole time?!_ " 

"I..." 

Sirius roared with laughter, slapping his knee. "Werewolves can see in the dark!" 

"I, uh, forgot you couldn't..." 

"That's why I said _no lights!_ " 

"Was it good for you, Remus?" Sirius crowed. 

"Yeah, was it good for you?" Peter repeated. There was a slap as Sirius cuffed him. 

" _Lumos!_ " James said. He was still hurriedly buttoning his pants, a flustered glare aimed dagger-like at Remus. The others followed suit until the room was brightly lit. Remus cringed, red-faced over the potion as it cooled, not looking up at him. 

"Oh, well, never mind," James decided, strapping his belt tighter with a scowl. 

He scooped up a phial full of the potion, which gleamed greenish gold by the light of their wands. His eyes glittered as he dangled the phial between his fingers. 

"Now. Only one question remains... who do we have Snape screw?" 


End file.
